The pun in the title is purely intentional.
Manchester United v/s Stoke City - (2:1)
MU's win in today's game proved many things. It re-affirmed, for the millionth time, "the rise of Chicharito". It proved, for the umpteenth time, that MU can win games without Rooney.* It also taught us a very important lesson: every game in the Barclay's Premier League will forever be compared to the Chelsea v/s Aston Villa match. Today's game featured goals by Chicharito and Nani, a slew of singing fans, and a piercing scream. Researchers are still trying to figure out why a free kick by Giggs would cause anyone to scream like a banshee. Nonetheless, the merry crowds continued to support their team(s) by singing a rendition of "when the saints go marching in". The Berb, though present at play, was unable to score, but had many brilliant attempts. One of the more memorable moments of the game was when Stoke City's Whitehead tied the score with his goal on the 50th minute. His celebration was highly reminiscent of a football player's celebration when his team wins the World Cup.
*I meant to say that MU has other talented players who are not as well-known as Rooney, but not any less gifted. Rooney is a brilliant player, and MU would have probably done better today with his help.
Manchester City v/s Arsenal - 7:45 AM [ET]
Tottenham v/s Everton - 3:00 PM [ET]
Arsenal will try to win 3-1 again; Tottenham will win 2-1, 2-0, or 3-0.